Monthly Archives: June 2018

Correcting the Course of My Life

In a few days, it will be the one year anniversary of Mom’s death, as covered in the previous post. I’ve felt the need to do an update for a while, but I’m finally getting around to it tonight. Partially because I’ve been reading up on organizing and procrastinating, and partially just because I feel I have some things I want to put here, rather than on Facebook, mainly due to length.

Over the past 51-ish weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out where things go from here, now that I’m no longer putting my life aside to help take care of Mom. That’s pretty much stating the obvious. While I’ve been wrestling with that, other things happened:

  • In August, I picked up Starfinder, Paizo’s space fantasy. I enjoy the most of the system, the setting not so much. I don’t care for space combat, but I’m working on a solution.
  • In August, I finished running Numenera, and came to the conclusion I won’t be running that game again, and in fact, earlier this year, I put all my books up for sale at the FLGS, Crazy Squirrel. The GM Intrusion is an intrusion on my storytelling to the point that I feel I can’t properly run a game.
  • Nothing really special happened in September. My sister and I made it through our first birthdays without Mom’s presence without falling apart, which is good. (My sister was born the day before my 9th birthday.)
  • Late October, shit started hitting the fan for me. I had lots of car problems, starting with my tires going bad just after their warranty had expired, followed by leaks in my car, which turned out to be the oil filter flange and a coolant system leak, which required a couple of replacements, and culminating in…
  • Mid-November, when my car was broken into at CSGS, in which all my laptop (in it’s bag) and my EDC were stolen. That stretch cost me about $3,000, which I had only because I had Mom’s death benefits. Fortunately in a couple of cases, I ended up with better items (like the replacement laptop) than the items I lost.
  • Thanksgiving went okay without Mom as well, as did Christmas and New Year’s. We all still miss her, and sometimes things set us off (like the Fallout 4 usage of Country Roads, the John Denver song, which our family has a special affinity for as Mom’s family is from West Virginia).
  • In January, I started running two Starfinder campaigns, in a modified version of the Post-Gap Golarion universe. One was the Kids’ game, and the other is my Thursday night game at CSGS. I didn’t care for the plot of the first Adventure Path, but the first book is pretty decent, hitting a number of different systems (like ship combat and Zero-G), so I ran it for both groups, but decided to put both games in the same universe. I’ll discuss this more after I’m done recapping the year.
  • In March, my sister got to talking with a former co-worker who is now a realtor, and we started talking about selling the house. While there were logical reasons to do it, there were a lot of reasons not to, and eventually those won. We finally stopped looking in mid-May, when the reality of the process caught up with us.
  • Which brings us to June, our first Mom’s birthday without Mom. For her birthday, my brother took us to see Brian Regan, a comedian who we had listened to on tape on a previous Mom’s birthday while driving up to Yosemite. We all had a good time. And now, both my sister and I realizing we need to make changes in our lives, bigger changes that we thought in August of last year.

And that’s pretty much been the past year.

I had two things I wanted to expand on from above, and I’ll start with the lighter of the two, gaming.

As I mentioned, I started running two games in the same universe. As I didn’t care for the setting they included, I had the players in both groups create planets with some sort of adventure I could put on them. In a couple of cases, players from each group independently came up with the same idea. I stitched that together with parts of the Future Golarian I liked and we went from there.

The adults in the Thursday night game have completed the first adventure path and dealt with some backlash. I significantly changed the end, making their trip through the adventure an elaborate recreation of the adventure the kids are working their way through. That the adults are moving faster (because we meet weekly), I’ve had to guess at things the kids will do and how it will impact the adults’ game, and vice versa.

I’ve started watching the second campaign of Critical Role, which is up to Episode 24 on a weekly series. I’ve learned a good deal from Matt Mercer about how to handle NPCs and narrating the effects of combat, and I’ve been trying to incorporate those new lessons into the game as we play. I’m having a better time GMing that I have in quite a while, even with Titansgrave a couple of years ago. I’ve felt more creative than I have in a long time.

On to the important stuff, real life…

Once Mom died, I started thinking about my commitment to my job, as well as my direction in life. The job is just an income, and is slowly turning into nothing but a source of stress. The free time has kinda worked for me, but my own lack of organization and discipline means I’m not getting anything significant done. I need to change these things.

A couple of weeks ago, I was reading a Facebook post that referenced a movie in which the main character makes a deal with the Devil to get his heart’s desire, and of course, that doesn’t work out well. The poster went on to say that the lead character didn’t want to work for the things he wished for. It kind of hit me as my own situation for quite a while now: I have things I want, but I haven’t wanted to work for them for quite a while, probably since about 2012, when I last submitted to Wizards before 4e was cancelled. I’ve been coasting.

Lack of desire to work doesn’t interact well with ADHD, at least, not if you want to change things in your life. So, over the past few weeks, while I’m not working, looking for a job that I care about enough to actually put in the effort to apply for, and doing some gaming stuff, I’ve been looking at methods to try to regiment my time better. I’ve pretty much decided to try some variation of bullet journalling. In that research, I stumbled across this page: This post, and a couple of connected ones, are very much a description of my life. And hopefully a pointer to a way I can get some motivation to get out of my current, going-nowhere situation.

That’s all I’m going to post this time around. It seems incomplete, but I’ve spent quite a bit of time working on this post, and I’d like to move on to something else. There are so many other things I could write about, but if I wracked my brain and remembered all of them,and then wrote about all of them, I’d never complete this post. If I restart posting here consistently, it will mean I’ve actually got something other than how my life is going to post about.